Challenged ,Provoked and ..............

Its 2 :36 in the morning and I have my FMH examination today at 6 pm . have barely skimmed thru 30 percent of the course but find too boring to continue and finish the remaining 70 percent.Chuck it .Its better to do something which gives me much more satisfaction than the half hearted attempt to study a pretty boring subject which is supposed to be my bread and butter :P .Therefore I write .

Had gone to the adventure camp this weekend.It was a gr8 trip filled with amazing fun and loads of unforgettable experiences.But this particular incident needs immortality , therefore I have decided to pen it down.

It was the onset of caving(Supposedly an adventure sport where u try to carve space for u from small spaces in between rocks , sometimes dividing ur body into parts and trying to get your parts one by one out of the hole till synergy is established :P ) .But bf4 that we were supposed to climb a rock that lead to the caving area totally on our own .Although a rope was tied around us for safety reasons .The right side of the rock had relatively deeper hand holes and foot holes to help climb rather easily (a very subjective opinion though:)).Left side was tougher with barely visible holes tough to grab let alone deep.Anyways everybody was climbing via the right portion(as if their was any option).The instructor from the previous group had allowed few daring souls to climb the rock via the right portion without the rope and they did that easily . In the process though they inspired me to do the same.I had lead the rock climbing session bf4 this , so had enough confidence in me to do the same .
Nyways my instructor strictly denied me to climb without a rope.Once ,twice ,thrice I asked ,but he denied and ended my trial even bf4 the onset

But this guy had other plans idea.

"So u think u can climb the rock without a rope.Let me see what can u do now.The rope
remains but u'll climb from the left side.Let's see how u fare " .

Hmmm .Now wat .This man is crazy .Its pretty tuff for a novice like me and to add to it i had slightly longer nails due to which it was tuff to get a grip.
I tried once ,twice thrice failed.Started climbing from the easier right ."Stop ,u were speaking a lot , u hv no option cm from left or stay there" ."I cant sir its tough almost impsosible".
"Leave it sir let him climb '-said my colleague .
"No-now as u have said u have to do it , You were blabbering a lot.Common "
were his words when he started laughing and making fun wid a colleague of his.That was tht , I couldn't take more.I somehow made a grip and tried hard to get some momentum.My friends started cheering me up and that was the tonic required .I tried hard ,harder , and finally my perseverance paid off.I gathered sm momentum and used that momentum to almost ran away to the top.Yessssss.I had done it .

I gave a angry glare to the the instructor ,threw the rope ,took off my helmet disregarding any respect for safety and looked above.My friends were cheering.This was the moments.Moments u cherish and I was luving it.

I again looked at the instructor who suddenly uttered "I knew u'll do it".He had a sense of pride. I smiled and said thx.Even I had a sense of pride.Thx sir.Thx friends.I am waiting for much more such moments .


Well he challenged , he provoked , and I WON.

The Invasion...

With red-rimmed eyes, and grim expressions... they wandered, with their lethal weapons ready to strike... in search of their prey...

The full moon illuminated the surroundings, and rendered a ghostly aura around each of the creatures' countenances, as they prowled.... unrelenting....untiring... unforgiving...

Like J.K. Rowling's dementors, these creatures exuded a sense of deep-rooted evil. They seemed to suck out happiness from their surroundings. Their presence seemed to make one's limbs grow cold and heavy.

He was worried, deeply worried. The infection was spreading... just 24 hours ago, there hadn't been many of 'them' around. People who had been friends, brethren, comrades, with cheerful faces, and friendly grins, had turned into these ....these....monstrosities....who would stop at nothing!!

He had tried searching for a cure. Other researchers like him found themselves in a similar predicament. His neighbourhood was not the only one affected. There had been sporadic bursts of this 'epidemic' all across the world. He had a hunch that the DNA strands of the creatures had altered their sequences due to extreme conditions.

On analysing the behaviour patterns of the creatures, he found that they subscribed to some form of societal behaviour. Like moths tend to flock towards a source of light, every evening, the creatures tended to congregate at a designated spot. On congregating, they would lay down their weapons, and stay in a trance-like state for some hours, in complete silence. After that, they would utter raucous cries, and forage for food. The pattern stayed the same, unwavering, unchanging.

After weeks of research, he managed to make some headway. He managed to procure a weapon similar to one of the creatures' and joined their flock as they congregated. Distasteful though it was, he attended their feeding ceremony. Observing the creatures from close range gave him some new ideas to further his research.

His nightly forays into their flock became more and more regular. A dangerous pursuit though it was, it gave him a thrill to be part of the flock. But then, one day.... disaster struck!! During the creatures' trance, he accidentally happened to cough. In a flash, all the red, menacing eyes turned upon him, and the creatures began to circle him. The circle became to converge, till he could feel the breath of some of the creatures upon him. The world went black around him, as he felt drained...and cold, oh so terribly cold....

Epilogue: I am one of them now....with red-rimmed eyes, and a grim expression... I prowl the night, with my weapons - thick academic books, and my flock of other such creatures. We congregate at the library, each day, and spend hours....in a trance-like state, as we hunt for the elusive el dorado, an A-pos. One day, we shall take over....one day, we shall rule!! We are the ghissus, the invasion has begun...

Deadlines and the Undead

We are all creatures of the race, we are fed and nourished on competition, we thrive in a climate of pressure, we are unrelenting, we are XLers. I had heard tales of last minute submissions that happened after an effort of 36 straight hours and I had presumed they were tales of men and women who had no skills in time management whatsoever to boast of. I had assumed that my tale would be different. But, I am after all another. My first b-school submission happened 24 seconds before deadline on the 16th of this month, we were the last group to submit on time. In the end it was a relay run from the learning center to the library to the admin block to finally landing at the appropriate room just seconds before it would have been closed, denying us a just hearing at the 'prayer' hall - god forbid. It was one month's effort that had culminated in 48 hours of hig drama and had finally concluded on a happy note after all (Notwithstanding the grade that might be offered after evaluation). If that was a lesson, what followed was an education when back to back papers were submitted on 20th and 21st . It was nightouts galore this week, and it was hungry stomachs and sleepy eyes that roamed the campus these past few days. An unaccounting project had driven the other batch to the edges of their sanity. Amidst graphs, articles, essasys and transactions we had lost all sense of reality. We were awake and yet not, we were dead and yet not.

But its over, atleast for the moment, the quizes and the end-terms coming up in the next 2 weeks seem so far away that i dare take the time out to write these words. Some of us have an adventure trip for the next 3 days. I for one think we deserve the break. Its 3 days, it is 72 hours, it is a boon.

Setting things in Motion........

Time ……. Any time of the Solar Day or night
Place……...Not really far from my room
Activity…...Quite Involuntary

But what I end up with is a weekend without friends or fun,
Me and my bed…..
Loads of loneliness
And yes the familiar sense of having done something but accomplished nothing.
Lost a lot of life and vitality and gained more unrest.

A couple of days back I went on an expedition of sorts, with three like minded wizened souls our primary aim being the exploration of the subtleties of one of the lesser known places around the valley. There we encountered silly smiling creatures who tricked us into eating stuff with weird names and weirder tastes.

And then all hell broke loose. The wrath of not showing due respect to the Almighty’s (Read as Mess Staff at Fr. Enright) gifts and pondering beyond our realms hit me where it hurts the most. I endured the pain because I felt god can’t be so unmerciful but little did I know that there is god and there are others. So there was no mercy without the pain. And after two days of the penance I still lie at his mercy because he alone knows when I will be absolved.

In the bargain I get to spend my time thinking and pondering the uncertainties of life.
I look forward to all that I miss and more to what I didn’t want to miss. And I know that there is someone up above who metes justice to all. With miles to walk (to and fro) before I sleep and nothing but the next visit to the heaven giving me the power to carry on I promise to myself all that I never did. Like studying once in a while (never define a strict timeline), trying to keep myself away from all the pleasures of the skin like ----- loads of movie watching and eons of sleeping.

But come morning I wake up fresh as a fiddle and then I reach for the laptop to……
To drop a thank you mail to Anjali for the medicine she gave me last night and to thank god for science by watching “The Matrix”. After all “God helps those who help themselves”.

what do you want..

what do you want.. what exactly do you need.. its a tough question that. i wants you to look inside yourself, to introspect to find out the one thing you want your life to stand for.
i know most of us belong to the hindu faith but if you could what would you want your tombstone to say.. would it be “ the guy who walked over everyone to get what he wanted” or “the girl who would do anything to get where she wanted” is this not exactly not what we are being taught that the harder you work the better your are when compared to everyone else around you and the better it is for you. are we not being taught to do something that we would not like our life to stand for, and thats purely assuming that you would like to be know as the person to go to in the time of need, well, but thats a question already answered given that you are studying in xlri which is quoted to be the one of the best management colleges in india. so hypothetically you are already one of those who is ready to walk over others to get what you want.

did i hear “i am so not, i care about my friends” come on you are aching to say it don’t lie. lets see lemme ask you something when was the last time you did something for your friend at your expense without the want of a favor in return. again don’t fucking lie. there i proved my case didn’t i.

well its already been proved that we are the over achieving patronising people who when movies are made on are portrayed as villains. isn’t that funny. here you are the guy/girl who never did anything wrong and you are being branded the bad guy cause you are ambitious and wanted to do shit well. but all i say is look into yourself is that what you would like to stand for when its all over. when the curtain finally falls would it not be better to be known as a friend a lover a son a daughter a father a mother who cared who gave a fuck rather than someone who walked over others who made his dreams important enough to screw people over cause of them.

i mean its your call but this is what i think this is what i believe in this is what i stand for. my friends know that.

Neem Tree

The charms of life are long gone, I sit in the library and feel dead. The norms of normalcy have disappeared, I feel lost and clueless. I have found myself abandoned before, but this time it's different. So far away, with no eyes to look into for truth, with no face to look at for reassurance, with to one to speak to about pain - I am alone, and that's who I am.

Little Rubina loved the Neem tree in the backyard. She swung from its branches and under its shade she played with her dollhouse. Neither the Afternoon sun nor the cold winds of the evening hurt her, the leaves sang to her and she danced like a top to the tune of the summer breeze. When she grew up some more, she found dreams hanging from its branches. She'd sit for long hours under the aging tree and contemplate her future. One day she fell in love with some rowdy boy in the her street, and together they etched their names on the tree she adored. The Neem din't bleed but she knew it hurt him, she ran her fingers over the etched love story and blew soothingly where the skin of the bark had come off. On another day not long from then, she came home angry and scratched the bloody boy's name off her beloved tree. In both her joy and in her sorrow the Neem had swallowed pain. Little Rubina was little no more, and yet for the Neem she was. When dreams from the branches bore fruit, she packed her bags and sang goodbye. The Neem did not shed a drop of tear. Pain had always been invisible.

And so I sit smiling in confused abandonment, no tree here is good enough for me.

The Last Outlaw..........

Some times I feel that it is all over
May be it was, never, meant to be.
The life has no meaning.
But then, But then I see thee………

Time comes, life goes.
The story moves on.
Countless whispers, but there are no sounds,
Restrain of the shackles on a heart’s unbound.

Is it???
Is it a crime that I don’t commit to your norms
That I hate the shores but love more the storms,
I know I do and have always done,
Loved to face the music and fire of the gun,
I have the guts, to spill them out,
Live a life between uncertainty and doubt.

The rock will face the river one day,
The top of a wave, the bottom of the bay
That day, I will stand alone,
And then I will think and think aloud,
That what I do is none of your business,
That I am not a part of this crying crowd,

I am not a party to this old rat race,
I don’t have to do things to present a great face,
That is for the sissies and the faint hearts,
The dandies, the gas bags and the loud farts

So here comes the end and the story remains the same,
The city sleeps but the outcast is still game.
The crowd keeps away and so do I,
Without a laughter, without a cry,

But still………
But still I miss thee……….
The queen of my heart who doesn’t crave me

The end approaches and I now fear,
The deafening truth which was always so clear,
The heart cries forth, which was once brave,
Will no one morn me when I hit my grave……………….